Monday, November 30, 2015

The Final Wake Up Call

Poor Jonny Football - he's playing pro football in the wrong century. There was a time when no one gave a damn what the QB did as long as he played well and lead the team to victory. Those days are gone, long gone. Tonights pre-game "analysis" had Steve Young's claim that NFL QB's must have the same dedication to his craft as a brain surgeon - the same focus and commitment - to which I say, who the hell would want to be a NFL QB if that's the measure? Easy for the progeny of Brigham Young to forswear hooch and whoring in favor of football neuroscience but what about the player that considers the night life a key element of his game. I mean seriously, why risk life and limb every Sunday sling'n the pig skin if not for the rewards of booze and broads that come along with it. I grew up a Sonny Jurgensen fan and his off the field exploits were as legendary as anything he did on the grid iron - the fact that he'd be out until daylight on a Saturday night, grab a cat-nap and then suit up to enter the arena at RFK and play All-Pro, Hall of Fame football is... Epic! That my fellow football fans is what it takes to be a QB in the NFL.

When Vince Lombardi arrived in Washington DC to lead the Redskins he gave a press conference and here's how the icon of the game saw it:
"I know this— they have a great quarterback (Sonny Jurgensen) and great receivers (Charley Taylor, Jerry Smith, Bobby Mitchell and Pat Richter)."

Asked to compare Jurgensen with Bart Starr of the Packers, he said, "Sonny is a great passer. Starr is a good passer and does a lot of other things well. Sonny will, too, I hope."

When someone tried to raise the issue of Jurgensen's quoted fondness for "Scotch and broads," as detailed in a magazine article, Lombardi said, "I will have no preconceived notions about anybody. They will be all fresh new faces to me. Everything about the past is in the past as far as I am concerned." 

When the subject was pursued, in terms of whether night spots would be put off limits, Lombardi said, "There are 15 times more bars in Green Bay than there are in Washington, despite the difference in size. But I believe in as few rules as possible.

Got that ESPN/NFL? From the great man's own lips (the namesake of your championship trophy) "I believe in as few rules as possible" and you can bet Lombardi would be barking orders to Jonny Manziel as his starting QB if he were coaching him tonight.

In honor of tonights MNF game between the Browns and the real Browns let's go back to a Super Bowl XLVII in 2013 between the Ravens and the 49ers - I predicted it's outcome in an email I sent to Russia the day before the game:

Yes, the Raiders of the East Coast, but there is even more to this epic contest than the East/West brother noogie that will most assuredly be administered by one of the Harbaugh boys tomorrow

The TRUE Baltimore team is a franchise named The Colts - Johnny Unitas, Lenny Moore, Raymond Berry, "the Greatest Game Ever Played", Super Bowl showdown with Broadway Joe, a Super Bowl win against the hated Cowboys - which exemplified all that is great in Pro Football. This storied team with a loyal fan base (see the 1982 film Diner) risked all on their first round draft pick by choosing a golden armed QB from Stanford named John Elway, but Mr. Ed was not made of the grimy steel required to lead the Colts - the warm Palo Alto sun had softened him to something resembling dog stool in the hot tub - and so he threatened to play BASEBALL for the pinstripes unless he got his way i.e. traded to a West Coast football team. Eternal Shame!!! The Colts organization never recovered from this snub and a year later the owner packed up the team in the dead of night and slinked out of town to Hoosierdom. 

The Brown's owner, the tempestuous and gifted Art Model, moved his team from Cleveland to Baltimore in 1996 - why? 1. Because in those day America was still a free country and he could 2. The City of Cleveland expected Model to keep loosing $10M a year for the privilege of allowing his team to play in a dilapidated (like the city itself) stadium 3. The city of Baltimore wanted him. He left it all behind him in Cleveland. The team name and colors, the storied history and championships, the glory and started anew. All he brought with him where his players and the staff that was willing to leave rusty C-town. His new team had a first round pick in the NFL draft and Model chose Ray Lewis - a straight up warrior from The U who had all that it takes to play in Baltimore and the Ravens were born. 

Stanford has a debt to pay to game of football. It gave us Elwaaaay!!! and it baked Jim Harbaugh's brain to the point where he took the job of coaching the 49ers instead of his just and rightful role as the savior of the Michigan Wolverines and a return to Big 10 dominance. Brother Jim also played QB for the Indy Colts so there's that... 

The day will belong to the Ravens - Stanford shall feel the wrath of the Lord.

Some irregularities have been corrected since that Feb, 2013 contest - J. Harbaugh is now at Michigan, Stanford has been punished but Cleveland is still in purgatory. Tonight the real Cleveland Browns did it again! Rest in peace Art Model.

Sunday, November 29, 2015

Paris under seige! Green Weenies attack Western Civilization

Paris, France is having a tough November. First the Psycopathism and now the Tree Huggers are attempting to bring down the most civilized city on earth.

Climate Change

The Earth is composed of 4 distinct layers. The terra firma that humanity builds its cities upon, farms and navigates from sand to sea comprises just 1% of the earths volume. Its a thin crust floating atop a ball of liquid fire that keeps plants and animals warm and toasty.  Most of our earth is composed of molten rock churning around at a temperature of two thousand degrees Fahrenheit near the crust and getting much, much hotter at the center. This ball of lava has no effect on our climate claim the skeptics of the climate skeptics, but I simply can't believe that assertion. The heat emitted from the earths core and the radiation from the Sun are so much more powerful a force than man made mischief that blaming industry for global temperature variation seems insane to me. I'm not a climate change skeptic or even a global warming denier - I'm an "I couldn't give a flying fuck what you dicks think about the environment because you're always, always wrong" kind of guy. Put me in prison, burn me at the stake but I'm not changing my mind until the Atlantic ocean is lapping at my front door.

Friday, November 27, 2015

Come on pilgrim, you know He loves you

The Pixies nailed this one almost 30 years ago:
Well sit right down my evil son 
And let me tell you a story 
About the boy who fell from glory 
And how he was a wicked son
This ain't no holiday 
But it always turns out this way 
Here I am, with my hand

Happy Thanksgiving from the White House:
"Hi, everybody. In 1620, a small band of pilgrims came to this continent, refugees who had fled persecution and violence in their native land. Nearly 400 years later, we remember their part in the American story -- and we honor the men and women who helped them in their time of need."
So begins one of the most pathetic Thanksgiving addresses ever delivered by a sitting President (or anyone). Starting with the informal "Hi, everybody" and ending with the concept of honoring the Indians for helping the Pilgrims in "their time of need" it's an exercise in failure and impotence. The rest of the chat doesn't get any better as the President of the United States of America demonstrates his utter ignorance about the National Holiday's origin, meaning and dedication. Someone please send this Geo. Washington document to BHO and ask him to call Senator Cruz who can explain the meaning of the Thanksgiving Holiday to the Kenyan. Hint: it's about giving thanks to God.

The pilgrims fled religious intolerance and they brought a variation of that intolerance with them to the New World. The "men and women who helped them in their time of need" (that would be the Indians or Native Americans in Obamaspeak or Redskins in Washington DC speak) were eventually overwhelmed and driven from their land in belated "thanks" for their generosity. A Presidents recognition of their stupidity 400 years later is meager recompense for their fatal blunder, especially when he's asking his nation to DO IT AGAIN with new pilgrims. Who will be the mascot of our nation capitals football team 400 years from today?

Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Clown Establishes "Safe Space"

Safe in Waukesha
Creating a "safe space" or "safe zone" is the new fad on college campuses all over America. Some people are very concerned about it, but I figure it will have about as much impact on national life as pole sitting, streaking or planking did - none.  "Safe spaces" are difficult to create and maintain, especially in "gun-free zones" which most college campuses are, and no school president or administrator is going to bloody their hands to establish them in a meaningful way. It's just a passing fancy that students who are dedicated to learning and intellectual exploration are going to have to put up with for a year or two and, once they graduate, remember with grim amusement once they're living and working in the un-safe world of reality. This years fad started in the magical land of Mizzou and quickly spread to those infamous copy-cat Ivy's. Now it's everywhere - including Carroll University in Waukesha, WI where an innovative performance artist is creating "safe spaces" through impromptu appearances wearing clown garb. Hey, whatever it takes!

WaPo and the NYTimes bear witness:
PRINCETON, N.J. — Princeton’s student activists have got everyone talking.
A 32-hour sit-in and a marathon meeting inside the president’s’ office ended with President Christopher Eisgruber signing a document that promised, among other things, to consider the removal of Woodrow Wilson’s name from the university.
Yep, scrub his name from Princeton. Hell, scrub his name from US history. I'm all for it - this is a movement I support without reservation. Of course, most of the Democrat party will go down the drain with Woodrow once the scrubbing is finished and we rinse the sink, but that's history for ya'.

My guess is that, unfortunately, Princeton will NOT expurgate WW from the institution but might place some kind of "safe space" sign beside his statue saying something judgmental about his racism and personality disorder but reminding students that his heart was in the right place - he loved government. But I want Princeton students to know, there is a better way to create a safe space and you don't have to look far to find an very effective example.

Last week I went to the NCAA Women's Soccer Tournament to watch the Princeton Tigers take on the USC Trojans (neither one are very feminine mascots but whatever) and arriving late I parked my car about 1/4 mile from the stadium but even from that distance I heard the bellow of a fan drifting out from the bleachers. As I approached the tournament I counted the cadence of every shout, every cheer, every word of encouragement from this dedicated Tigers Dad and he average a shout out every 6 to 10 seconds. He kept up the encouragement THE ENTIRE GAME and, in doing so, created a "safe space" of at least 15 feet around his person - no one dared sit near him on the bleachers. He was alone, protected and safe. Here is the lesson young Ivy League strivers - shout it out at the top of your lungs longer and louder than anyone can bear and you'll find your "safe space" - create it yourself, don't ask someone to make it for you, and you will find your freedom.

Monday, November 23, 2015

This and That tout le monde

I found a This or That quiz from a decade ago and here are my results. Towards the bottom of the quiz the choice of John Kerry or W is presented - easy for me even after 10+ years to pull the GOP lever on that one. During the 2004 Presidential election I was living on Manhattans Upper West Side and I remember, with great clarity and relish, the morbid atmosphere that enveloped Columbus Ave on that first Tuesday in November and tarnished the civic spirit for days once the election results were tallied. For my part, I wore a cleaver little sherifs pin with the engraved words Bush 2004 on my lapel and rubbed it in the face of my neighbors for a good long time. The looks of disgust, horror and (sometimes) hatred I would receive from pedestrians walking to the subway, shoppers at Zabar's, music lovers at Lincoln Center and other self righteous lefties who make the UWS their home was... gratifying. I frigg'n loved every minute of it and while my apartment building was figuratively dropped black in mourning over the loss, I was jauntily skipping around the Museum of Natural History with my leashed 4-legged companion and happily picking up her excrement with the editorial page of the New York Times. Those were happy days, happy days my friends.

To the casual observer it might seem a mystery as to why politicians stay in the game for as long as they do. I mean, life is short and there are 300+ Million people in America so why do these guys run for office over and over and over again? Why not just do a term or two and then get back to the real world, make a contribution to society, pay taxes rather than take them and have a little fun? But if you live long enough the mystery will answer itself and the answer is that by staying in politics - by sheer persistence and audacity - eventually (inexplicably) the politician will have his day in the sun. If you had said to me in November 2004 that less than ten years from that time, Joe Biden will be Vice President and John Kerry will be Sec. of State I would have eaten my GWB Sheriffs pin on the spot - IMPOSSIBLE!!!

But in Washington DC all things are possible and that includes Sec. Kerry who spends a lot of his time "walking back" comments that he makes while doing his secretary duties. In this case he's clarifying his remarks about the terrorist attacks in Paris, France last week (remember them?) and how there's no justification for terror regardless of motivation be it religious (which these terror attacks were NOT motivated by) or political or sexual - he basically shitcans all conceivable motivation for doing anything (including terror attacks) and drones on in that Senatorial voice of his about the need for "the international community" to "work together" and honor our "shared values" of...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Oops, sorry about that, I must have dosed off. I don't want to pick on John Kerry. In fact, I sort of want to defend him though he might not want my defense. Let's look at what the man actually said:

SECRETARY KERRY: Thank you very, very much, Jane. Merci beaucoup. Bonjour tout le monde. I’m happy to be here, though sad to be here. {First off he thanks Jane - that would be Jane Hartley Obama campaign cash bundler and the US ambassador to France. Then the obligatory french thank you and "good day to all the world" (sound of needle scratching across the LP) - WTF! "Bonjour tout le mode" - are you kidding me? Look, as readers of this blog know, I'm something of a francophile and it was the people of France who suffered a terrorist attack - not the people of Japan or Sri Lanka or Peru - so what's this bonjour to the world crap? Forget the world, what's with the bonjour? There's nothing bonjour about it. Then he says he's both happy and sad - He's spoken 22 words in two languages and I'm completely disoriented and confused.}

Let me first quickly welcome Ambassador Nix-Hines from UNESCO; Ambassador Yohannes from OECD. We’re delighted that they are here also. And this is a busy time for them, obviously, and complicated for everybody. But I’m really honored to be here with all of you. I want to say thank you to every single one of you. Let me just ask quickly, how many of you are local employees who are working for the Embassy? Well, we particularly – so many of you – we really thank you from the bottom of our hearts. We could not do our work here without you, and I know it’s particularly difficult right now, but it’s always difficult because you are working, carrying with you whatever baggage comes with the country you work for, and in our case, there’s very little because of our friendship with France. But nevertheless, we are deeply appreciative for your commitment to helping us to help people to share the values and the interests that we are all working to protect. {Crystal Nix-Hines is the "ambassador" to UNESCO which, believe it or not, is not a country but some alphabet soup UN sponsored NGO - What is she even doing in Paris? Why is she there? Dito for "Ambassador" Daniel Yohannes who represents US interests at the OECD which is another one-worlder NGO. Then he addresses the locals who work at the US embassy and empathizes with them - he understands that they "carry baggage" when they work in a foreign country (the Embassy is technically US soil) though on second thought stop your complaining because the US-French baggage isn't that heavy and we're friends - we "help people", "share values and interests that we are all working to protect." Hmmm, is that so? Then why the hell are you going through the welcome boilerplate acknowledgments - Jesus Christ man, these people have just been zapped by mad terrorists and you're asking the French people to identify themselves by show of hands.}

In the last days, obviously, that has been particularly put to the test. There’s something different about what happened from Charlie Hebdo, and I think everybody would feel that. There was a sort of particularized focus and perhaps even a legitimacy in terms of – not a legitimacy, but a rationale that you could attach yourself to somehow and say, okay, they’re really angry because of this and that. This Friday was absolutely indiscriminate. It wasn’t to aggrieve one particular sense of wrong. It was to terrorize people. It was to attack everything that we do stand for. That’s not an exaggeration. It was to assault all sense of nationhood and nation-state and rule of law and decency, dignity, and just put fear into the community and say, “Here we are.” And for what? What’s the platform? What’s the grievance? That we’re not who they are? They kill people because of who they are and they kill people because of what they believe. And it’s indiscriminate. They kill Shia. They kill Yezidis. They kill Christians. They kill Druze. They kill Ismaili. They kill anybody who isn’t them and doesn’t pledge to be that. And they carry with them the greatest public display of misogyny that I’ve ever seen, not to mention a false claim regarding Islam. It has nothing to do with Islam; it has everything to do with criminality, with terror, with abuse, with psychopathism – I mean, you name it. {This is the money shot that has everyone yakking. The bit about Jihadi terrorists having a "justification", scratch that, a "rational" for murdering the Charlie Hebdo cartoonists. But in all honesty, Kerry is right at least as far as the current US administration is concerned and as far as the mass media goes they buy this line of argument hook, line and sinker. Did any of the big foot media outlets publish or broadcast the Charlie Hebdo cartoons? Hell no, they just told the world that a bunch of atheist satirical cartoonists were killed for drawing pictures of Mohamed (not Allah mind you, just Allah's messenger) and if you want to know what, exactly, they were so upset about, well, tough shit because we're not as stupid and provocative as the those French sad sacks who basically brought on their own destruction. So what is the "rational" for terrorist murder? Kerry points out that it's anger "because of this and that" and though he doesn't define "this" (yet) he does define "that" and that "that" is failure to pledge allegiance to them. By "them" he means criminals, terrorists, abusers and practitioners of something called psychopathism (this is a new and exciting ism on the world stage) and then, after calling it everything except what it really is (Islam) Kerry closes with this zinger - "I mean, you name it." No dude, YOU NAME IT you pusillanimous, mixed-up toff.}

And that’s why when some people – I even had a member of my own family email me and say, “More bombs aren’t the solution,” they said. Well, in principle, no. In principle, if you can educate and change people and provide jobs and make a difference if that’s what they want, sure. But in this case, that’s not what’s happening. This is just raw terror to set up a caliphate to expand and expand and spread one notion of how you live and who you have to be. That is the antithesis of everything that brought our countries together – why Lafayette came to America to help us find liberty, and all of the evolutions of the struggles of France, the governments, to find the liberte, egalite, fraternite, and make it real in life every day. And all of that peacefulness was shattered in the span of an hour-plus on Friday night when people were going about their normal business. And they purposefully chose a concert, chose restaurants, chose places where people engage in social dialogue and exchange, and they object to that too. (Now Secretary Kerry defines "this" for his audience and like many this or that scenarios "this" is not much better than "that" - unless you like the idea of a constantly expanding caliphate which I don't. But what is there to do? The Secretaries family is emailing him and telling him NOT to bomb ISIS but to offer them education and jobs and "in principle" that's a fine idea, but these psychopathists don't want it - They even object to "social dialogue" so what's a diplomat to do? As for the claim that religious intolerance being the antithesis of what brought the USA and France together, I beg to differ. Lafayette came to America and fought - real fighting with guns and swords - to establish a republic that honored and protected religious liberty because, in part, he'd seen the strife religious intolerance caused in his native France. Lafayette later tried to establish a republic in France and for several years was successful. The "evolutions of the struggles of France", as the Sec of State put it, have NOT been peaceful - on the contrary, The Terror, The Republic of Virtue, the Age of Napoleonic Empire, French colonial retreat, the devastation of World War One and the bitter humiliation of World War Two were quite violent.}

So this is not a situation where we have a choice. We have been at war with these guys since last year. President Obama said that very clearly. And every single country – not just in the region, but around the world – is opposed to what they are doing to the norms of human behavior and the standards by which we try to live. {Wait a second, I thought this whole terror thing is about "this or that" situation, but it turns out to be a "this AND that" deal - we don't even have a choice and that goes for everyone in the world - President Obama said so last year.}

So we are engaged in a struggle here – struggle of a generation. Every generation is given a test, I think. Through the 20th century we saw global wars and nation-states fighting each other. Today the challenge, even though we have differences with nation-states – Ukraine, Iran, different things that are happening – we’re not choosing to randomly go to war. We’re trying to avoid it. We’re trying to find a better path. But it’s non-state actors – individuals, lone wolves and groups, small groups – and if somebody is willing to die – if you want to go die on any given day, unfortunately, you can take some people with you. {Good God, is this guy really our Secretary of State? What the hell is he talking about? Yes, we're "not choosing to randomly go to war" (the way Bush/Cheney did)- we're trying to avoid war (we don't have a choice, remember), but some people are at war with us and "on any given day" they're winning. Every generation is given a test or a "struggle" and right now were up against Psychopathism (for lack of a better word) instigated by non-state actors and since these individuals and small groups are "non-state" there is nothing, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, the Secretary of State can do about them.}

So our challenge is to stop the immediate threat, obviously, and destroy it, while we eliminate the people going into the pool by providing those other options – by reaching them before they’re radicalized; by getting people to see there is better governance, there are better opportunities. And globally, we have a lot of work to do that. That’s what’s brought all of you into this place, into this business of diplomacy, of caring and trying to take America’s values and help to spread them around the world. But we don’t force them on people. We give people a choice. Everybody has their choice. We offer them because we believe it’s the best way to provide security, the best way to provide opportunity, and the best way to respect individual rights and the ability of any individual to be able to choose for themselves who they want to be and what they want to be, without disturbing other people, and certainly without killing. {I thought you just got finished telling us that "this is NOT a situation where we have a choice." If we give the Psychopatists a choice what are they odds that they'll choose the Western European way? These believers in psychopathism don't want the "freedom" to "choose for themselves who they want to be and what they want to be" - that's a "this or that" world when they want a "this AND that" world.}

So I want to thank you for the work you’re doing – most important work in the world right now. And I thank all of this Embassy in every regard: RSOs, consular division, individuals who reached out and went to work immediately. I know that some of you were at the – were near the Bataclan and the restaurant and when the shooting took place, you had nowhere to go, and finally a Thai restaurant, Ya Lamai, opened its doors and some of you were housed there till three in the morning. And there are all kinds of stories of individual courage and assistance. People have been working now four nights in a row, through the night. Countless emails, countless phone calls, countless worried parents, family, people calling – “Is my loved one all right? Do you know what’s happened to them? Can you find them?” And you all have been superb in reaching out and some of you going to hospitals to visit with the wounded, to help their families through a difficult, difficult time.

So as far as I’m concerned, you have all behaved in the highest traditions, the highest standards of American willingness to put ourselves at the readiness to help people in distress and to do our duty selflessly to other people, and that’s a great value of our country and France.

So we are locked together in this effort. I will visit with President Hollande shortly, and then with Foreign Minister Laurent Fabius we’ll talk about the strategy ahead and the things we need to do together. And I am absolutely confident, my friends, we are going to come out of this where we want. We will end the scourge of Daesh. President Obama has always said it’s going to take a while, because it’s a reflection not just of the things that I described about how they choose to behave, but it’s also a reflection of turmoil in the region, of the clash with modernity, culture versus modern times, distortions. And they’re hard to fight that, particularly when there’s a huge historical, cultural and language and religious divide. So we have our work cut out for us, but we will get there. Because all of the leaders of the Muslim world, the real leaders, all of the leaders of every country in the region that are affected – Jordan and Lebanon and Iran and Turkey and Saudi Arabia and the Emirates and Kuwait and Egypt – they’re all opposed to Daesh and all distressed by the way in which a great religion is being inappropriately presented. {Come again, did you just say "inappropriately presented"? Yeah, you can say that again buster. I'm sure it's very distressing to the "real leaders" in the Middle East. But when you consider the "huge historical, cultural and language and religious divide" you're bound to have "distortions" resulting from a "clash with modernity". It's going to take a while to come out of this where we want.}

So hang in there. Keep doing what you’re doing. We’ve made gains even in the last weeks. There’s 22 percent less territory that Daesh now has available to it than it had at the beginning. And remember, a year ago right now, we didn’t have a 65-country coalition. We only started putting that together one year ago, and we’re pushing now on the finance lines; we’re pushing against foreign fighters crossing borders; we’re pushing against the distortion of Islam, our public affairs people are working at that. We have a new center in Dubai, in Abu Dhabi, that’s been opened to help in Arabic, instantaneously, gain traction on social media and push back against the lies. We’re presenting stories of disaffected former Daesh people who have come out and said life with them is nowhere near what they pretend it is, and who are telling the real stories of what happens. {Daesh (whatever that is) is loosing and we're telling stories, cutting off their bank accounts, tweeting from Dubai and have 65 countries in a coalition. So just keep doing what you're doing and we'll keep doing what we're doing and they'll keep doing what their doing.}

So as we come and push back here, I believe that justice will prevail and the vision that the vast, vast majority of the world shares will absolutely prevail. So we will steadily march ahead. Jihadi John is gone, and other top aides are gone. The number two guy in Libya, the top guy is – the top guy in Libya is gone. We’re slowly marshaling the forces and capacity to be able to change this current dynamic. (Yes, slowly, very, very slowly we march. Too slow for the people of Paris who suffer due to the "current dynamic" which needs to change over time.}

So hang in there. Stay steady. Stay strong. As the French would say, bon courage. And as President Obama and I would say to you, just a profound thank you. God bless you all. God bless France and the United States of America. Thank you. (Applause.) {"Hang in there" is not a strategy. Hanging in there is what you do when you're getting you butt kicked by a psychopathist and you're just waiting for him to get tired of kicking you in the ribs so you can crawl away to safety.}

So ends the John Kerry address to the US and French employees at the embassy in Paris. To recap, the entire world is trapped in a distorted THIS AND THAT paradigm that presents the civilized world with NO CHOICE but asks the psychopaths who attack the West to CHOOSE our values. The psychopaths are "this and that" people, not "this or that" folks so making a choice is hard for them.
THIS = Kill anyone who isn't Muslim and won't pledge to be Muslim
THAT = Set up a Caliphate to tell people how to live and what to believe
The world will have to "hang in there" until the psychopaths make the right choice and that could take a while.

And today, John Kerry's State Dept. issued a World Wide Travel Alert for US Citizens. So "hang in there" America, the world is with us even if we're not allowed to travel anywhere.

Wednesday, November 18, 2015


Everyone's Private Driver
When I sit on a park bench beneath the shade of a leaf filled tree and look off across the green grass filled with children playing and dogs romping under the blue, cloudless canapé and conjure up the image of a Mastermind in my minds eye Abdelhamid Abaaoud is NOT what I picture. But what do I know? This dude had been on the Homeland Security watchlist for months - they had even predicted the Paris attack and warned the French to be on the lookout. Still, this genius pulled it off in spectacular fashion surprising EVERYONE including his family who had no idea that monsieur Abaaoud was a radicalized jihadist. Totally shocked, really, just gobsmacked. Mohamed Abdeslam, brother of Salah Abdeslam who was an accomplice of The Mastermind explains it for the dense Western mini-mind:
"My brother who participated in this terrorist act must have been psychologically ready to commit such an act. These are not regular people," he said. "You cannot have the slightest doubt that they have been prepared, that they must not leave any trace which would cause suspicion that they might do such things. And even if you saw them every day, their behavior was quite normal."
Got that? Your Uber driver could be a terrorist, your Starbucks barista could be a terrorist, your florist could be a terrorist, a well "vetted" Syrian refugee could be a terrorist because these terrorists are not regular people and they don't do ANYTHING that would cause suspicion - they behave normally until they start shooting AK's, throwing grenades and self detonate. But by that point - the point of no return - it's sort of too late.

Now The Mastermind dead (I think) but if Abdelhamid Abaaoud is the modern model for what it takes to be a Jihadi "mastermind" I feel certain that his shoes will soon be filled by a new mastermind of equal or perhaps superior brain power.

Monday, November 16, 2015

What's is all about, Ali?

Though the KOTCB Blog has many readers in America and around the world for which I am humbly surprised every time I check out my analytics reporting (and I'm happy that so many people around the world take time to check in on my postings) it is, from it's inception, a project with a target audience of 3 people + my children who are all school age and need the deprograming the KOTCB provides. Here's a sampling of txt msg banter from over the weekend by this blogs primary audience:

Friday 6:51 PM EST
Earlyman - I am voting for Donald Trump no matter what! Deport deport deport! Are you guys aware of the serious terrorist attacks all over Paris tonight!? Horrible!!!
Lemonjello - France is always the first to fall. Deport!
Mr. White Chocolate Chas T - It's horrible and France will take action
Earlyman - Finally they must!!
Lemonjello - This is the prize for being tolerant and accepting of those kind of folks
Earlyman - Liberals.
Lemonjello - I'd been hearing that France was already overrun with them
Earlyman - Round'em up!! By skin color and where they kneel five times a day. Simple.
Lemonjello - Commentator just said, "They stay off their phones-- they learned from Snowden." We should put out a hit on that motherfucker!
MC Merdouche - Western Europeans/US have not the stomach for real war. Real war is unspeakable, civilized society turns a blind eye. Tragic what happened in Paris
Earlyman - its coming....
Lemonjello - These jihadis are a nation of Dylan Kleibolds who know they will never get laid or have good lives so they want to destroy the things they'll never have. What they don't realize is the beer commercial life doesn't exist. They can sweep floors in the Paris suburbs or be a big shot with an AK47 in the back of a pick up truck
Earlyman - It's a new world. Time to stamp'em out!!
Lemonjello - Deport. 19 of 19 9/11 hijackers were in US illegally. If you travel to YEmen, Syria, Iraq, Iran or Egypt you get detained at border with full cavity and background search. Add Saudi Arabia to that list. They are the real enemy
MC Merduoche - Exactly
Mr. White Chocolate Chas T - Wait a second, the beer commercial life doesn't exist? Then...then... What's it all about, Ali?
Lemonjello - Football

Go back, go back, go back into the woods.
Yes Football, and not the human pachinko beautiful game for wimps Futball, but red-blooded American Football. The ultimate sublimation of war and thereby a promoter of peace and harmony among peoples, townships, cities and regions across the fruited plane. In America we haven't shed each others blood in organized war since 1865 and a big reason for the relative tranquility is Football. As it happens, the day after the Terror Attacks in Paris I spent my afternoon at The Game, by which I mean the longest consecutive high school rivalry in the South between EHS and WFS and after 115 years these guy understand football. It was a great game with tremendous performances by both teams and their passionate fan base - this is hard hitting historic football at it's best with all the mistakes, crazy plays and reversal of fortune that makes high school football so much fun to watch. The game ended in a 14-14 draw which I thought was fantastic (I despise overtime in Football) because, in truth, both team had played their heart out with no definitive winner. It was the 9th tie game in the long and storied history of the rivalry.

Unfortunately for all of us, meaning Tigers and Maroon and all other peace loving humans on the planet, there is no such thing as a tie in Geopolitical Terror War. And it's only unfortunate because the leader of the free world has a "strategy" of playing for a tie regardless of what happens to us or our friends.
"This guy is out of his depth. He doesn’t know what to do because to do anything would require him to act against his two core beliefs: an intense dislike of the United States and admiration for all enemies of the United States. Now, finally, he has been revealed to the world as a poseur, something most of us have known since 2007. It is just a shame 500 people had to be killed or wounded in Paris to make the point clear."
 It will take someone with courage and vision to bring American Football to the Middle East but some day we'll see it - the Bagdad Cobras vs the Tehran Magic Genies in Trump Stadium.

Friday, November 13, 2015

Butt baby learns the horrible truth

The Force is strong in this one.

I'm watching a little Fox & Friends this morning on FNC while putting some cinnamon square cereal in a bowl for my four year old and taking a sip of coffee when I'm confronted with Lord Vader jamming blood red pabulum into the mouth of his son. "I am your father" - the shocking and revolting words uttered by Darth Vader, master of the Dark Side, to his idealistic son who he has just spent the better part of two feature length films trying to kill, who's hand he has severed with a light saber, who's hanging by a thread above the abyss. "If you only knew the power of the Dark Side... Join me... We'll rule the galaxy as father and son." And what does Luke Skywalker do when presented with this horrible truth? See for yourself:

But this young tyke doesn't have just one psychotic, planet destroying, crypto-Nazsi dad - he's got 2! Imagine the horror and mental anguish he will experience when he finally comes of age and realizes that his formative years have been shaped by two Sith Lords who've been working as henchmen for the emperor to enslave the entire universe. Good luck little guy and remember, the Rebel Alliance is waiting for you.

Thursday, November 12, 2015

X-mas cup wars

Because nothing says Christmas like PINK and ORANGE

Dunkin’ Donuts wins and Starbucks looses and like it or not Christmas is coming in a few weeks and there's nothing anyone can do to stop or start it. Just for the record, I love Christmas and think it's a great Holliday - and it is a Federal Holliday folks multi-cultural and pan-theologist as America is the entire country gets the day off on Christmas day. However, being a Federal Holliday I would also set strict parameters around when the "Christmas Season" could start and the start date would be December 21st - No X-mas music, not department store sales, no Holliday advertising, no Christmas TV shows or movies - basically no Christmas anything could be shown, heard or spoken until the Winter Solstice but then all heaven would be allowed to break loose. It would make the entire spectacle much more potent and meaningful by starting on the shortest day of the year and culminating 3 days later on the 25th of December which is the reason it falls on the day that it does - The third day of the return of light.

The fact that these corporate caffein pushers start marketing X-mas 6 weeks out (or more) is shameless and predictable. As for the controversy of the moment, is there anyone on earth that thinks the Red and Green cup that Starbucks is using this Christmas season does NOT say CHRISTMAS loud and clear? Is it really a Marxist Revolutionary Red Trojan Horse designed to subvert Starbucks consumers? Is the DD styrofoam cup proclaiming "JOY" with clip art greenery encircling the word like litter any better? When I'm on the road I will always stop at the Dunk instead of the Buck but only because I prefer the DD coffee - If my wife is in the car we'll be stopping at Starbucks because she prefers Starbucks. Why? Funny you should ask...

Butt Ugly
Believe it or not these gigantic food distribution stores put a lot of thought into things like the colors of their cups - the color of everything really - and I say "believe it or not" because based on the color schemes of some of these places it seems impossible that a human being was behind the design. Starbucks puts a lot of thought into the design of everything related to the experience of shopping there and my wife likes that - she hates Dunk'n Donuts and there's a reason for that too - The place is garish and ugly.  The colors, the cups, the signs and photos - all of it is horrible - all of it seems to have a design point of driving the customer OUT of the store which, being a donut store, it probably is.

Fortunately for coffee and donut fans there are American stores that are like experiencing Kristmas year round and they don't pussy-foot around when it comes to celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ.

Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Is that a half-smoke in your pocket and what's in this delicious drink?

I consider myself something of an extrordinary chili consumer and producer. In my time I've had some of the best chili the USA has to offer from Chili John's (Green Bay and Burbank) to Skyline to Pat's Hubba Hubba to (yes) Ben's Chili Bowl - A DC institution. When Barack H. Obama talks about the contribution of Muslims to America's glorious fabric Ben's Chili Bowl is what he's talking about.  For a time I lived on T Street in NW Washington DC and became well aquatinted with the venerable home of Bill Cosby's Original Chili Half-Smoke. The chili is good (not really my favorite) but the half-smokes are fantastic and the combination is tops. Mr. Cosby has been a lifetime fan and loyal promoter of Ben's signature dish - so much so that it was eventually named in honor of the great entertainer and though I've eaten my share of Cosby Half-Smokes there are those who are even better acquainted with the sausage than I and bear witness:
"Unfortunately, our experience isn’t unique. The entertainment world is rife with famous men who use their power to victimize and then silence young women who look up to them. Even when their victims speak out, the industry and the public turn blind eyes; these men’s celebrity, careers, and public adulation continue to thrive. Even now, Cosby has a new comedy special coming out on Netflix and NBC is set to give him a new sitcom.
Fixing this problem demands more than public shaming. For Cosby to commit these assaults against multiple victims over several years, there had to be a network of willfully blind wallflowers at best, or people willing to aid him in committing these sexual crimes at worst. As I told the Daily Mail, when I was a teenager, his assistants transported me to hotels and events to meet him. When I blacked out at Cosby’s home, there were several staffers with us. My agent, who introduced me to Cosby, had me take a pregnancy test when I returned from my last trip with him. Talent agents, hotel staff, personal assistants and others who knowingly made arrangements for Cosby’s criminal acts or overlooked them should be held equally accountable."

Bill Cosby, among other things, is a brilliant comedian and having seen him perform at what are arguably informal affairs like charity dinners where he's just "phoning it in", so to speak, I can bear witness myself that the guy is a consummate professional with extraordinary timing and delivery. Telling a joke, for the millionth time, is not that easy and he makes it funny every damn time. It's sort of like chasing poontang - lots of guys are able to win a girls confidence, get her out on a date, discombobulate her with some unusual activity (rock climbing, opera, chili cook-off, whatever), lure her back to the apartment but they just can't deliver the punchline. It's difficult to entice a female into casual, no-strings-attached, live and let live fornication - she's always got a price and that's where drugs come into play.

I learned this strategy from an accomplished whore-master and raconteur who played a small but significant part in my informal education during young-adulthood. His lesson centered around the tiny peppercorn and it's magical effect when a handful of the spicy black fruit is funneled into a bottle of vodka and placed in the kitchen freezer for 72 hours. What emerges from the vodka bottle is a clear, seductive liquid with not even a hint of alcohol burn (though the alcohol is still there - believe me!) that women find so delicious they'll often consume 2 or 3 highballs in a short span of time. In his experience, charming though he was, once a potential conquest was in his lair the woman would get skittish and spook easily - this peppercorn elixir would invariably take the edge off and, in short, make the frisky filly more yielding and receptive to his advance. For confirmation he offered the following sketch of an amorous encounter with a young woman he met at the race track - very fetching and quite pleased with herself he invited the lass back to his house for potation beside the crackling fire. Little did she know that he would poor her a glass of the fabled peppercorn solution, then another, then another and... the next morning she awoke leafless beside him in the bed chamber shocked and confused. "How did I get here?", "what was in that drink?", "I've got to go" she scurried around to find her cloths and was out the door in under five minutes. Ah yes, the peppercorn.

Now Dr. Huxtable is being erased from public consciousness for using the same strategy as my mentor and the latest effort proposed by Devin Boyle is to remove the mural of Bill Cosby at Ben Ali's famous chili shop. This inspired the provocative "Smear Leader" to deface Cosby's image with, of all the images on earth to choose from, the face of Kim Jong-un - yes, that Kim Jong-un. Note: I do NOT advocate Bill Cosby's (or my old friends) methods and the prospect of having sex with a drugged and incoherent woman seems anything but satisfying to me, though there are those who enjoy it. But Bill Cosby and Ben's Chili Bowl are inextricably linked in the cosmic order and you can't have one without the other. So basically, no matter what Cosby did his smiling face is going to shine on the citizens of our nations capital until Ben's Chili Bowl is turned to rubble. Live with it people!

The bashing of Bill Cosby (a thespian and, therefore, prima facie part of the rape culture) is incongruous when I speculate upon the politics of Devin Boyle, "Smear Leader" and countless other scolds who, I would bet, are Ready for Hilary in 2016. I understand the high dudgeon directed at the Cos for his methods and the sympathy for the (almost) astounding list of victims but I don't understand how, being justifiably upset about Bill Cosby, you could turn around and cast a vote that will put another Bill C with an equally spotty record of male/female relations BACK in the White House. Where is the outrage and editorials denouncing Bill Clinton for his awkward (being charitable) approach to chasing skirt - Are Hitlary's supporters just "wallflowers" eyeballing their shoes or willing accomplices in Bill's sex crimes? It's just a question of consistency - if sex crimes are really so bad (and I think they are) then why not hold everyone to account regardless of their station in life? It might well be the case that these sanctimonious Democrats have been imbibing the peppercorn juice and taken leave of their senses. If so, there will be a rude awakening in the morning.

Saturday, November 07, 2015

Mirror, Mirror on the wall

Bad day for gentle Ben, right? Politico put out a hit piece on the good doctor and, before posting the story, must have JournoListed all of their buddies at the TV New Networks and big foot newspapers so they could pile on and create a Wall of Sound that would make Phil Specter blush. Story, after story after story about how crazy, dishonest and unqualified Ben Carson is for the office of the Presidency. The greatest headline was from the inappropriately named "Plum Line" blog over at WaPo - get a load of this one:

Ben Carson has weird ideas and makes stuff up. What kind of president would he be?

Yeah, exactly, what kind of president indeed? Answer: probably a lot like the dude who's been president for the past 7 years who also has "weird ideas and makes stuff up" - he sure as hell couldn't be any worse.

It is a joy - pure, absolute, unambiguous joy - to watch the Grand Poobah's of TV talk and fish wrap scribble flummoxed by Dr. Ben Carson. They simply can't deal with the guy on any level and he's kill'n it every day - in all honesty, you would think the fact that a black man is winning the GOP Presidential horse race would be big, BIG news - wonderful news because you know, it shows the GOP are not really the racists and bigots the press always claim they are or maybe they've grown during the Obama years or something. But for the media it's not good news, it's horrible news but they're hoisted by their own petard - How can they go after this black guy when they didn't lift a finger to go after the other black guy? They can't, they're stuck and if God has a sense of humor (and at times like this I think he does) he will make Ben Carson President of the United States of America and the News Media and commentariat will have to lump it for 4-8 years. Listening to sermons, exposition of God and the glory of life, Fundamentalist political science, skepticism of evolution, global warming and much scientific fluff. It would be a beautiful Presidency, hilarious from start to finish and probably very good for the country. Added bonus, it would make Barack Obama something of a historical footnote if his 8 years were to be followed by 8 years of Ben Carson.

Wednesday, November 04, 2015

For he is the Kwisatz Haderach!

Back in the spring of 2015 Jordan Hoffman compiled his list of the 100 Best Sci Fi Movies of All Time - I'm no aficionado on this subject so take my thoughts on science fiction with due skepticism but I do have a major problem with this list (2 problems in fact). The films he chose are, by and large, pretty good and with 100 you know there's going to be a few dogs that make the list (more than a few really) so I'm not going to get all "that's not Sci Fi" on the specific choices. From the 100 he listed I'd put the following in my top 10

10. 1984
9. The Fountain
8. Sleeper
7. A Clockwork Orange
6. Planet of the Apes
4. Rollerball
3. 2001: A Space Odyssey
2. Metropolis

But this is where I must voice serious concern with the list of 100 sci fi films that does not include:

#5 Dune - David Lynch's amazing attempt to bring an absolute classic to the screen - flawed though it might be, it's still inspiring and mind blowing.

#1 Zardoz - Where the heck is Zardoz man? How can you have a list of 100 movies and not include this prescient John Boorman masterpiece somewhere? Zed is out their Jordan and he's coming to destroy your Tabernacle so prepair for your sweet release.

Monday, November 02, 2015

Meet the Press



This Sunday, a campaign in crisis. Slipping poll numbers, a staff shake up, and now a disastrous debate performance. Does Jeb Bush have what it takes to win the Republican nomination?


I got a backbone, I got a heart, and I got a brain.

And the Wizards are sending you home.

Remember back in high school when you and your buddies were going off for a weekend of hiking or  duck hunting or missionary work or bong hits at the beach and the nerds from the school newspaper were having an editorial meeting on Saturday and you wondered to yourself, "what the hell do they do in those frigg'n meetings?" What do those guys talk about? What do they sound like? What's the matter with those guys?

Well, here's your answer:

When they "grow up" all those nerds become journalists working for big foot media companies and the practiced gab they mastered on those teen age weekends, while you were having fun, is on full display. What amazes me is that anyone pays any more attention to these prim, awkward goofballs now than when they were in high school - they haven't change, have you?

Sunday, November 01, 2015

Howling at the moon

It's November and that means... Baseball!!!

Fortunately it's a balmy 60 degrees F in New York City tonight so the players aren't exactly freezing but it's still probably pretty chilly in center field. A series between the Mets, a mutant splicing of the Dodgers and the Giants who both left the big apple for West Coast gold, and the preposterously named KC Royals/Kings/Chiefs/SunshineBand is hard to accept. Watching this World Series is painful - classic Mets choke.
My Bling Hurts
I'd like to go back in time 101 years ago when Baseball was fun, unpredictable and CRAZY. I'm talking about the 1914 Virginia Mountain League and the best that D League baseball had to offer including the wonderfully named Staunton Lunatics. This was a simpler time (perhaps a more honest time) in American history - it was certainly a more insensitive time because the Lunatics were named after the infamous insane asylum located in their home town. The VML only lasted one year, but it must have been a joy to watch those players in the warm sunlight, during the long summer days - you know, when baseball is supposed to be played.

Instead I'm watching an endless competition between two expansion teams as NYC midnight approaches on a chilly autumn night. The Lunatics are sane in comparison.

Nuclear Fallout