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Showing posts from March, 2018

Hey Skinny! ...yer ribs are showing!

And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; Genesis 2:21 BS Far be it for me to declare who, from the legion of choices, should be the rightful spokesman for Generation Z but were I a member of that group the last guy I'd choose to voice my desires, hopes and concerns is Parkland student activist David Hogg. No normal person gets to choose these buffoons as they are propped up and promoted by Big Media honchos in NYC and (to a lesser extent) LA and Silicon Valley to serve the various interests media conglomerates deem important - one of those interests is gun control (broadly defined). And the "voices" these suits anoint are often horrible examples of the human species spouting bad ideas and proposing impossible solutions to what ails our society. Reflecting on the conventional candidates for this generational role gives me nausea -  Lady Gaga is the voice of Millennial

Who’s counting?

2 + 2 = 5 First, Stormy Daniels. Now, Karen McDougal and Summer Zervos . I know there are bombs going off in Texas, Putin won the Russian election, Congress is passing a CR (again) and a huge snow storm has shut down DC but let’s not lose sight of the big picture - Trump has a history of bedding beautiful women and some hookers and some beautiful hookers (including some hookers who either don’t know they’re hookers or can’t admit they’re hookers). For weeks the #FakeNews has been promoting one of these hookers, a porn star named Stormy Daniels , as someone who A. has a story and B. that story needs to be heard by the American voting public and it's children (including FLOTUS and 12 year old Barron Trump). 60 Minutes is going to broadcast an interview with this "lady" on Sunday promising details on her affair with the Elvis from Queens and the truth about everything including, I suppose, " his junk ." Considering the number of cocks this woman has sucked dur

Baracketology 2018

Sad It's a long drop from the top. A long, long, long drop. Gone are those halcyon days of Baracketology broadcasts one ESPN from the West Wing complete with FBPOTUS analysis of the key matchups, strengths and weaknesses of each team and predictions. With all the wars raging around the world, the terrorist threat, the anemic US economy, senseless murders, drug epidemic and myriad of other problems resting squarely on the mans shoulders it was impossible to escape the conclusion that BHO watched A LOT of basketball. How in God's name did he have so much knowledge about the 13 seed teams in his bracket? I know he's smart, but common, only God can speak with authority about Norfolk State's game (or so we thought) but there he was, taking the entire nation through his bracket in prime time and going deep, deep into speculative prognostication for all the world to see. Aah, the unambiguous pleasure of being #1. That was then, this is now: Just because I have

Runnin’ with Sasquatch

When it comes to beef jerky I'm not too picky - it's just dried up meat - London broil or some lean cut paper thin and spiced up before slow roasted in some contraption that evaporates all the water in the beef without burning it. At a high level it all pretty much tastes the same when it comes to the packaged stuff - but I have to say, when it comes to advertising, Jack Link's really does capture the spirit of this food product : The world can be divided into two kinds of people. Those who run with Sasquatch and those who run from Sasquatch. I choose to stay at the top of the food chain so I'll be runnin' WITH Sasquatch as fast as I can - not because I want to but because I've learned that runnin' FROM Sasquatch is a horrible experience and ultimately a futile exercise in self-delusion. No one runs from Sasquatch and lives to brag about it because the hairy beast will always catch up to you and then... then the runnin' stops and the pain star

The Prison of Hope

Hope and Fear In times of turmoil I find myself turning to our Supreme Leaders Little Red, White & Blue Book, which I received from Santa Claus this past Christmas, and searching for answers as only he can give them. And there, on page 58 of Sh*t Trump Says (The Most Terrific, Very Beautiful, and Tremendous Tweets and Quotes from our 45th President) I found this from 1999 when F*ckface Von Clownstick (who is not a politician) toyed with a presidential run on the Reform Party ticket at the request of Jesse Ventura. "I think the only difference between me and the other candidates is that I'm more honest and my women are more beautiful." Interview with The New York Times November 17,1999 Prescient words from our future POTUS and it is at this point that I ask you, dear reader, to indulge me in a little hearsay relayed to me by a friend of a friend who knows Hope Hicks from childhood and communicates regularly with the former Communications Director for the Trum