Tuesday, March 27, 2018

Hey Skinny! ...yer ribs are showing!

And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;
Genesis 2:21

Far be it for me to declare who, from the legion of choices, should be the rightful spokesman for Generation Z but were I a member of that group the last guy I'd choose to voice my desires, hopes and concerns is Parkland student activist David Hogg. No normal person gets to choose these buffoons as they are propped up and promoted by Big Media honchos in NYC and (to a lesser extent) LA and Silicon Valley to serve the various interests media conglomerates deem important - one of those interests is gun control (broadly defined). And the "voices" these suits anoint are often horrible examples of the human species spouting bad ideas and proposing impossible solutions to what ails our society. Reflecting on the conventional candidates for this generational role gives me nausea - Lady Gaga is the voice of Millennials just like Kurt Cobain was the voice of Gen X just like Peter Coyote is the voice of the Viet Nam Generation. Even a guy who might be legitimately awarded the title voice of a generation probably isn't when you honestly appraise that generations total contribution to society and the multitude of views or actions associated with the slimy bunch who comprise it.  Now it falls on the Parkland kids to become the voice of their generation (for their parents sake):
Change won’t come easy, as they learned, but these students are the fierce voice of a generation on gun control. And they’re a ray of hope in an apathetic, gun-happy nation desensitized to violence.
We, the horrified adults, want to grab our kids and run from the gun madness. The students, armed with their fresh grief and outrage, are fighting for what they need from Tallahassee and Washington.
I do count myself among the "horrified adults" but I'm not prepared to run from the gun madness just yet. As KOTCB readers know (or should know) I could hardly be called a gun nut under normal conditions but I am a strong believer in 2nd Amendment rights as I am for most amendments to the constitution except for 16, 17 & 18 so that puts me on the wrong side of history as far as the D. Hogg's of this country are concerned. That is what horrifies me and I simply have no idea how to solve the mental problem these students suffer from because it's much bigger than me or Madison Ave. or The US Constitution or anything that I can think of. When I was a teenager (before smart phones and video gams) I would read comic books and stuck in the middle of my escapist fantasy would come a jarring shot of reality from Charles Atlas that would wipe the cocky smirk right off my face. You might enjoy day-dreaming about Captain America or Thor - God of Thunder but get real because sooner of later you're going to be on the beach and get your skinny "bag of bones" ass kicked unless you take real action and make yourself strong enough to fight back.

Not everyone will take the time and exert the energy required to become a body builder and for those lazy scarecrows a gun is a pretty good fall back tool for self preservation. So I lifted weights AND I learned to shoot a gun because I have a will to survive in the face of unforeseen and, often times, unwarranted threats*. But that's me - what's the answer for the David Hogg's of this world? Do we even want his type possessing firearms? There is an entire generation of these people born right around the 9/11 terrorist attack and in the subsequent years who have no living memory of a world without constant video surveillance, on-line data profiles, mobile phone geo-tracking and all the rest of the panopticon state we've been forced to live in for the past 17 years. All because of terror and drugs and bad ideas We the People allowed to be imported onto our shores over the past 50 years and here we are... watching hundreds of thousands march for our lives. It's pathetic but we did it to ourselves and only We can fix it.

The solution, I'm afraid, is going to require a cold, hard punch in the face from someone who takes the full measure of David Hogg and his fellow students and finds them lacking the intestinal fortitude and brawn to defend themselves. Someone like Nicolas Cruz but a lot smarter and more powerful - filled with contempt and hatred for their self-righteous preening and pampered existence who will think nothing of flushing their skinny little selves down the toilet bowl of history. It's not David Hogg's fault that he turned out the way that he did - it's our fault and we're all going to pay a horrible price for our decadence and indulgence. One of the saddest little marchers at the rally was a tyke holding a placard declaring his schools probation of peanuts and making the perfectly sound argument (to them) that if something as innocuous and commonplace as a BB&J sandwich can be effectively "banned" then so too can gun ownership be outlawed for health reasons. This is the world these children live in - NO PEANUT BUTTER! And they think it's normal. They think it's perfectly fine for a school to ban peanuts from the facility and nobody questions the capriciousness of this rule or, heaven forbid, violates the edict. David Hogg is in a deep sleep and like a groggy teenager on a cold and rainy Monday morning he wants to stay in bed and skip school - but he will be taught his lessons the hard way and sooner or later he'll find himself banished from the garden of Parkland to fight it out, naked and afraid, in the cruel world of those who have awoken.

*Note: Just for the record, no one is ever going to take away my guns. I'm always going to own a closet full of shotguns, rifles and pistols - forever. If the 2nd Amendment did get repealed I wouldn't voluntarily hand over my guns - law enforcement would have to come and take them. I'm not one of those who would put up a big fight and have some kind of Ruby Ridge shoot out with the Feds - if the cops could find my guns (which they would never be able to do) I'd let them take them. Then, once they were off my land, I would just 3D Print a couple new guns to replace what was taken from me. No biggie, I eat peanut butter too.

Thursday, March 22, 2018

Who’s counting?

2 + 2 = 5
First, Stormy Daniels. Now, Karen McDougal and Summer Zervos. I know there are bombs going off in Texas, Putin won the Russian election, Congress is passing a CR (again) and a huge snow storm has shut down DC but let’s not lose sight of the big picture - Trump has a history of bedding beautiful women and some hookers and some beautiful hookers (including some hookers who either don’t know they’re hookers or can’t admit they’re hookers). For weeks the #FakeNews has been promoting one of these hookers, a porn star named Stormy Daniels, as someone who A. has a story and B. that story needs to be heard by the American voting public and it's children (including FLOTUS and 12 year old Barron Trump). 60 Minutes is going to broadcast an interview with this "lady" on Sunday promising details on her affair with the Elvis from Queens and the truth about everything including, I suppose, "his junk." Considering the number of cocks this woman has sucked during her stellar film career you'd think that they'd all sort of blend together into one fleshy memory but no, The Donald's stood out and made a memorable impression - when a porn star remembers your penis consider yourself a winner. There are so many women, so many stories, so many scandals to hang around DJT's neck that one has to wonder why, of all people, the media has chosen to focus on Stormy Daniels and her rendezvous with a "john" from 12 years ago? The answer seems to be that the hush money transaction intended to keep this prostitute from blabbing about Mr. Trump's "junk" could be seen as an "unreported in-kind contribution to Mr. Trump’s campaign committee and an unreported expenditure" which violates federal campaign law - have you fallen asleep yet? This broad extorts $130,000 from Trump to keep her mouth shut (not easy for her to do) and then starts talking anyway because she can be used as a tool by the Democrats and the MSM to defame the character of the POTUS.
Bullying and buying off people to keep your secrets may have been the norm for Mr. Trump in the business world, but it has no place in the Oval Office. Federal election authorities should investigate this matter. Ms. Daniels should be able to tell her story, and Americans should judge for themselves what these events say about the character of the president.
What about the character of Stormy Daniels? She's a disgrace to her profession!!! Discretion and keeping your liaisons secret are primary codes of conduct for any hooker but this woman has tossed it all away in pursuit of notoriety and inflicting maximum damage to her customer. It's an outrage and the fact that media outlets across the spectrum are complicit in breaking this social contract makes me sick. Shame! Shame on you 60 Minutes, WaPO, CNN and all the rest of you dirty whores in the media who willfully drag the nation through this tawdry show for your own bemusement and nefarious ends. The tragic case of Deborah Jeane Palfrey, otherwise known as "the Infamous DC Madam," shows how our media "watchdogs" usually handle these embarrassing revelations:
Palfrey, however, insisted Pamela Martin & Associates provided "legal, high-end erotic fantasy service" and that she had no idea her escorts had sex with customers. In March 2007, after she was charged, she turned over a list of nearly 10,000 phone records spanning four years to ABC News. (Palfrey said she didn't know the names of her clients. She only had their telephone numbers.)
For days leading up to ABC's exclusive interview with Palfrey, investigative reporter Brian Ross teased that Palfrey's clientele included White House officials, lobbyists, and Pentagon, FBI, and IRS employees, as well as prominent lawyers. "There are thousands of names, tens of thousands of phone numbers," Ross said.
But ABC backed away from naming names, and Palfrey accused the network of bowing to government pressure by withholding them. In the end, the network only revealed a few of the most prominent officials on Palfrey's client list, including Republican senator David Vitter, Deputy Secretary of State Randall Tobias—who resigned when details of his use of escorts surfaced—and an adviser to the Pentagon, Harlan Ullman.
"Thousands of names" all locked away under court order - no reason to get to the bottom of this escort service scandal that implicates the entire DC swamp and subjects some unknown number of government officials to threat of blackmail or other types of coercion. Palfrey committed suicide (allegedly) rather than go to prison for knowing too much and keeping her mouth shut - that blood is on the hands of ABC Newsman Brian Ross (a whore if there ever was one) who had all the phone numbers and therefore all the names.

And so we will trudge through this manure for the foreseeable future as revelations of president Trump's past affairs with women get splashed across our screens and magazines to inform the public that... what? That Donald J Trump, private citizen, had sex with porn stars, playboy bunnies and aspiring actresses and enjoyed the fruits of his fame and fortune Bigly. Is that against the law? Is it any different than what hundreds, if not thousands, of other people in and around Washington DC do all the time? No, it is not and this entire expose is a pathetic mind game foisted upon the good people of this country who need not know the details about the presidents junk or what the whores who run the media think of it.

Monday, March 19, 2018

Baracketology 2018

It's a long drop from the top. A long, long, long drop.

Gone are those halcyon days of Baracketology broadcasts one ESPN from the West Wing complete with FBPOTUS analysis of the key matchups, strengths and weaknesses of each team and predictions. With all the wars raging around the world, the terrorist threat, the anemic US economy, senseless murders, drug epidemic and myriad of other problems resting squarely on the mans shoulders it was impossible to escape the conclusion that BHO watched A LOT of basketball. How in God's name did he have so much knowledge about the 13 seed teams in his bracket? I know he's smart, but common, only God can speak with authority about Norfolk State's game (or so we thought) but there he was, taking the entire nation through his bracket in prime time and going deep, deep into speculative prognostication for all the world to see.

Aah, the unambiguous pleasure of being #1.

That was then, this is now:

He's watching even MORE basketball now!!! WTF - how could he be watching more than he did as president? And his bracket is already blown to hell (not that I hold it against him) just like 99.999% of everyone else in the world because UVA lost to UMBC in a truly epic contest with an unbelievable outcome. The number one team in the nation and number one seed in the NCAA Tournament lost to University of Maryland, Baltimore County - not the Maryland in College Park with a long hoops history but a tiny suburban college located on the outskirts of Baltimore near the BWI airport. It is one of the inscrutable aspects of the game, by which I mean the game of Basketball, that on any given night any team - even a mediocre, less talented and lucky team - can step onto the hard wood and light it up like the 4th of July. That's what happened to UVA last Friday night when they suited up, strolled out of the locker room for their perfunctory win and ran into a buzzsaw.  It happens.

Last night UMBC played it's normal game and got it's ass handed to it by K-State (shooting under 30%) as would have happened in the UVA game under normal circumstances. But now UVA and UMBC are just memories and weather you're happy or sad about what happened it won't change any of it. The parade marches on and in a few days those that were sitting at the top will be forgotten and something new will catch the publics eye, captivate their interest and consume their energy, adulation and anger.

Saturday, March 10, 2018

Runnin’ with Sasquatch

When it comes to beef jerky I'm not too picky - it's just dried up meat - London broil or some lean cut paper thin and spiced up before slow roasted in some contraption that evaporates all the water in the beef without burning it. At a high level it all pretty much tastes the same when it comes to the packaged stuff - but I have to say, when it comes to advertising, Jack Link's really does capture the spirit of this food product:

The world can be divided into two kinds of people. Those who run with Sasquatch and those who run from Sasquatch.

I choose to stay at the top of the food chain so I'll be runnin' WITH Sasquatch as fast as I can - not because I want to but because I've learned that runnin' FROM Sasquatch is a horrible experience and ultimately a futile exercise in self-delusion. No one runs from Sasquatch and lives to brag about it because the hairy beast will always catch up to you and then... then the runnin' stops and the pain starts.

Case in point: The Man Who Knew Too Little (Living a liberal fantasy is complicated).
Donald Trump’s victory shook him. Badly. And so Mr. Hagerman developed his own eccentric experiment, one that was part silent protest, part coping mechanism, part extreme self-care plan.
He swore that he would avoid learning about anything that happened to America after Nov. 8, 2016.
Erik Hagerman, the former senior director of global digital commerce for Nike, has retreated to his pig farm in Ohio and created a personal "Blockade" to prevent all things Sasquatch from entering his dominion. Russia. Robert Mueller. Charlottesville. Pussy hats. This guy is a regular Sargent Schultz when it comes to MAGA and "extreme as it is, it’s a path that likely holds some appeal for liberals these days — a D.I.Y. version of moving to Canada*." The fact that the NYTimes considers this sad, escapist story to be "News That's Fit to Print" says everything you need to know about the "liberal" mind and the absolute ass-kicking Sasquatch is unloading on it right now. Insane - there's no other word for it.

Crack Jerky
Let me answer with the story of Rob - my beef jerky dealer who makes some of the best I've ever had and supplies hunters and contractors living in Central Virginia with a product he calls Crack Jerky (because once you start eating it you can't stop). $30 per pound and worth every penny it is prepared using a tightly held marinade and slow cooked in a dehydrator lodged in the corner of Rob's kitchen. Rob is a giant of a man, full beard and long flowing locks he drives a weathered pickup and proudly flies the Confederate flag from the cab (not because he hates anyone but because he loves the South). Rob is Sasquatch - he even looks like Sasquatch - and he grew up on a pig farm and butchered hundreds of pigs every year during his childhood and adolescence up until the time some vandal burned his fathers barn to the ground and put the family out of business. One of the nicest guys you'd ever want to meet, Rob is not happy about what went on in Charlottesville last summer (protests Mr. Hagerman is completely oblivious about) but he has a clear perception of who is responsible for the discord and violence unleashed on his town. He's not a rich man but he never fell for the Hope & Change presidency and felt the pain of the Obama years (week economy, lost health insurance, dismissal of his heritage) in a way that Erik Hagerman never could imagine but Rob didn't withdraw into his private domain - He just kept on runnin' and I'm going to keep on runnin' with him.

*Note to the NYTimes: Even Constitutional Monarchy has a Sasquatch.

Thursday, March 08, 2018

The Prison of Hope

Hope and Fear

In times of turmoil I find myself turning to our Supreme Leaders Little Red, White & Blue Book, which I received from Santa Claus this past Christmas, and searching for answers as only he can give them. And there, on page 58 of Sh*t Trump Says (The Most Terrific, Very Beautiful, and Tremendous Tweets and Quotes from our 45th President) I found this from 1999 when F*ckface Von Clownstick (who is not a politician) toyed with a presidential run on the Reform Party ticket at the request of Jesse Ventura.
"I think the only difference between me and the other candidates is that I'm more honest and my women are more beautiful."
Interview with The New York Times November 17,1999
Prescient words from our future POTUS and it is at this point that I ask you, dear reader, to indulge me in a little hearsay relayed to me by a friend of a friend who knows Hope Hicks from childhood and communicates regularly with the former Communications Director for the Trump Campaign and The White House. To appreciate this scoop I'll incant and conjure the generic political environment circa the Autumn of 2015 when there was much speculation about what, in fact, Trump was actually trying to accomplish in his presidential run since there was not a chance in hell that he would win the GOP primary - to say nothing of the general election - so there must be some alternate motive for DJT to joust with these windmills. Sure, he might be up in the poles right now, but it was only a matter of time before the American public came to their senses and dismissed this showboat as a naughty infatuation before walking down the isle to put a ring on Hitlery or JEB! like they were supposed to do. No one - and I mean no one - imagined that We the People would earnestly get behind the Trump candidacy and MAGA because, in the minds of the political establishment and MSM, a Trump presidency was impossible. This was a time before that same political establishment became #NeverTrump and that same MSM became #FakeNews and everyone was simply enjoying the show - the warm up act as it were - before the main event which commenced with Iowa and NH primaries. Trump was regularly invited onto MSNBC @MorningJoe to yuk it up with Joe and Mika, happily given airtime by CNN which covered his rallies like they were WWF main events, every Trump Tweet was amplified by the politicians and media 10,000 times because they were shocking, irreverent, politically incorrect and, after all, where's the harm because this Billionaire Real Estate developer and reality TV show host has a 20% ceiling (at most) of support. That was then and that was the mood - the conventional wisdom - in which Hope Hicks was asked the pointed question by her longtime friend who wanted an honest answer: "Why are you doing all this work for Trump and what do you think is really going to happen to his candidacy?" As has been relayed to me, Hope's reply was matter-of-fact and contained a hint of incredulous dismay at the questioners presumption - "We're going to win." Yeah, we're going to win dumb-ass - that's why were doing all this bullshit, organizing rallies, talking to these scum journalists, wrangling with the GOP old guard and keeping the campaign committees from flipping out, laying out lots of green on ad buys in far away states, playing this fucking game that nobody in there right mind would get into if they had any other way of making a buck. And we're going win.

For Trump, Hope is not some gauzy idea or campaign slogan used to bamboozle a gullible and lazy voter - she's  a real live beautiful woman who believes in him. There's a big difference between putting your faith in Hope and having Hope put her faith in you and that's the difference between captivity and freedom. It is axiomatic that hope is the opposite of fear but like almost all axioms it is both true and false and that's because the hope/fear double helix wraps this mortal coil like a snake composed of dreams and nightmares. Neither our hopes or our fears  are materially true but they trap our mind with equal strength, cunning and ruthlessness. It is common to hear politicians and preachers advocate "overcoming your fears" because fear is bad (and might prevent you from doing what they ask you to do) but it is a rare event for anyone to recommend that you "abandon all hope" so let me do that now. FDR famously said, "the only thing we have to fear is fear itself" (so get out of my way and let me implement my New Deal) but that's not the only thing we have to fear - we also have to fear hope. Hope can chain you to a dream that will never come true and probably never should come true - worse, when it seems that your hopes will not be realized, most people will dash them preemptively because they fear losing that hope. Do not fear it - embrace it.

Let's consider basketball - When the NCAA Basketball season started the University of Virginia Cavaliers were not even a ranked team. No respect for their game by the sports writers and coaches so they get left out of consideration last October but by the end of last week they were ranked #1 in the country when they traveled to Louisville, KY to play the Cardinals in a season road game wrap. Louisville (ranked #16 in pre-season) desperately needed to win to salvage their season and make a bid for the NCAA tournament known as March Madness so they came to play and punched the Wahoo's right in the face early and lead for most of the game. It was one of those games where everything went right for the home team and everything went wrong for the visitor - The Cardinals couldn't miss a shot while the Cavaliers couldn't buy a basket, rebounds, turnovers, penalties, everything was going against the Nations Number One team but they kept on fighting and amazingly UVA pulled to a tie in the final minutes of the game (after basically having their ass kicked for the fist 37 minutes). Then this happened - the Cardinals sunk a free throw with 5 seconds remaining in the game to go up by 4 points and the game was over. O-V-E-R!!! No possible way to win the game. Period. Hopeless - beyond hopeless - abandon all hope and just play which is exactly what Ty Jerome did. As a result he got hacked on a "what the hell" 3 point shot, sunk two of his free throws and UVA go a lane violation on the 3rd (still down my 2 points with 0.9 second on the clock) and Louisville gets the ball. Did I say hopeless already? But Louisville travels on the inbound pass and UVA gets the ball - WAT? So Ty Jerome tosses it to freshman De'Andre Hunter and this happens:

My point being that UVA would have never won if they'd had a hope of winning - they tossed hope to the wind and jammed the rock right through the hoop. Today Louisville got their chance at redemption in the ACC tournament when they played Virginia again but UVA crushed them 75-58. Hope is a prison so let her go and free yourself to win.

Nuclear Fallout