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"There Is Just No Good Answer"

There's a simple truth about male/female relations that reveals itself starkly in heated elections like the one we're living through right now. To a man's ear women complain a lot and it can be said that complaining is their fundamental secondary purpose - sex and childbirth being their primary. For a woman these complaints are not complaints at all but rather something called "communication" that a man needs to participate in if they want to be happy. This truth is well known to anyone who's married to a member of the opposite sex but let me illustrate through example:

The other day my wife and I were watching a football game on TV and there was an incredible sideline pass reception at a critical point in the contest. Amazing display of athleticism and clutch concentration which is very gratifying to witness and is one of the reasons I still watch football even though the NFL is trying to destroy itself. My wife turns to me and says, "I can't believe how low cut those cheerleader uniforms are. That's just not right." I didn't understand what she was talking about and said, "what are you talking about?" She explained that on the video of acrobatic catch there was a picture of a scantily clad cheerleader and sure enough when the sports casters broadcast the instant replay of the catch in super slow motion there was a full figured cheerleader in the upper left hand corner of the screen doing what cheerleaders do (whatever that is). Shock and awe followed by total mental paralysis as I try to process the fact that my wife is even watching the cheerleader on the screen instead of the catch, but then I realize that she's watching the catch too - she's watching all of it and taking in everything. It's me who's just focused on the catch and blocking out all the external crap that has nothing to do with the primary action on the field - catching the ball. But now I'm faced with a big problem: what do I say in response to my wife's "communication?"

Don't you just hate these outfits
The first impulse is to ignore her comment and pretend like it didn't happen, like she never complained about the cheerleader. Just sit still and be very quiet hoping that something else will catch her fancy so that I don't need to evaluate the fetching costume on some woman I will never see, and have no interest in seeing, in my entire life. Not good. Not going to happen because that shows a lack of "communication" and we ARE going to talk about this cheerleader. The second impulse is to communicate like I would to some guy at the sports bar and say, "Are you fucking crazy? That cheerleader looks great. What's the matter with you?" Also not good because now I've started an argument and need to deal with my issues to get my mind right and we'll keep on talking about this cheerleader until I do. So we're down to option number three and that is to suggest that she write a letter to the NFL and complain about the outfits the cheerleaders are wearing - just slowly back out of the room with my hands up and live to watch football another day. Let Roger Goodell deal with her.

There is just no good answer because it's moments like these when you realize that men and women are not just coming at it from different angles, they're not "seeing things differently", they're not even in "parallel universes" traveling along the same broad interstellar highway - events like this show that men and women are living in entirely different dimensions in the space/time continuum that intersect via some weird 4D portal to bring joy, frustration, understanding and anger into their temporal existence. Mind you, I'm not saying it's bad - in fact I think it's good (very good) on balance and I wouldn't have it any other way, but come on man, it's also completely insane. Which brings me to the Megyn/Newt "communication" that went down last night and blew up Twitter, Facebook and every other social media site on the Interweb.

Megyn hasn't been right since Trump called out her PMS problem after the first GOP debate in the summer of 2015. He got in her head and started messing with it big time - the slow transformation of this once dreamy blond with long flowing locks and mischievous sexuality into a cropped Upper East Side bitch with serious issues awareness has been depressing, but predictable. Youthful innocence is fleeting and we must enjoy it when we see it, but shed not a tear when it gets stripped away because that is the way of the world. Newt has been in the game a long time and has endured years of "communication" with journalists so he knows what they're going to say before they even formulate the question in their mind. He's also been married three times so he's gotten pretty good at the xx/xy "communication" game and, give him credit, tripped up the lass as only a practiced professional could when he said, "look, if you want to assume the elections over, skip the next two weeks and we can talk about the future, fine." Megyn's retort: "I'm not assuming anything."

It's on like Donkey Kong! "I'm not assuming anything" is woman talk for "I've got a frigg'n mountain of evidence that I've been mulling over for weeks (sometimes years) and I'm going to lay it on thick you heartless bastard. And don't expect to change my mind with logic or reasoned arguments because we're not stopping until you say you're sorry." Newt doesn't play it that way folks - the dudes been married three times for a reason. 1. You're wrong 2. You're rambling 3. You're dishonest 4. You're lying to yourself 5. You're a hypocrite 6. You're fascinated by sex 7. You're delusional 8. Say it, I dare you. What's to be done with a man like this? He simply doesn't understand how to communicate and would be impossible to live with for any woman - of course, he's a Republican so it's expected.

Men of the Left take a different approach and it wins them the enduring love and affection of womyn like Megyn Kelly and many others - the majority to be sure. These men do whatever they want and if the woman gets inquisitive they lie, and if they get caught in a lie they say they're sorry and then do it again. Most of all they agree... with everything. Whatever comes out of their woman's mouth no matter how stupid or delusional they wholeheartedly support the idea. They just don't care and they know the woman will forgive them of anything as long as they say, "I agree, you've made some really wonderful points there and given me a lot to think about." Love Trumps Hate - it's as simple as that and it gives the Man of the Left generous latitude to act in appalling ways - sexual assault, infidelity, domestic violence, general misogyny and even homicide are all forgiven by the women who love them in return for unconditional acceptance and approval.

That's how Philippe Reines treats his women too.

Creative though he is (do you know how long it takes to type a flow chart in an email?) he can't figure out what to say about this damn private email server that Hillary set up that makes any sense. It's complicated man, and you just have to accept that at some level, in some strange, unknown dimension that's the way she wanted it. It might be every kind of wrong there is. It might be illegal. But it's her way of communicating so you strap yourself in and put the peddle to the metal driving that Straight Arrow Mystery Machine at 200 MPH toward the Nov. 8th finish line. If you make it across first then you'll be fine, but if you blow a tire and swerve off the road you'll be toast and not even Megyn Kelly can talk you out of this one.


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