The Mystery Machine
INT: HOME OFFICE A phone rings in Chappaqua.
Huma - "hello."
Robby - "Hi Huma, I wanted to go over the Iowa marketing plan and messaging. Is she available?"
Huma - "Not a good time Robby, she's pretty upset about Maureen Dowd's 'Open Letter' and she's locked herself in our bedroom. Keren's here though."
Robby - "Hey Karen, well, it's kinda important Huma 'cause the Iowa tour is coming up fast. Let's decide on a theme and you can fill her in once she pulls herself together."
Huma - "That's fine, she thinks this whole 'listening tour' is bullshit anyway, but it seemed to work in New York so... whatever."
Robby - "Great. Do you have the charts? I've been trying to email them to all of you, but it keeps bouncing. What email are you guys using these days anyway?"
Keren - "I've got them. They came into my MSNBC account. Go on Robby, we're looking at them now."
Huma - "what is this crap?"
Robby - "This is her logo and slogans Huma, we've been over this already."
Huma - "That's what your friends in DC came up with? I knew we should have gone to New York for creative. I thought we were looking to use the symbol for female - you know, the circle with the upside-down cross coming out the bottom."
Robby - "We did! This is the gender neutral version. A blending of the male and female symbols that says 'Hillary' loud and proud. It's very LGBTQ."
Huma - "I hate it and so will she."
Keren - "She's already approved it Huma, lets go to the next slide. That's the subject of today's call."
Robby - "Thank you Keren, so right, where were we, oh yes, the theme of our listening tour. Now, we've had a bunch of ideas, so I've put them all on this slide but there really is only one worth..."
Huma - "I'm hanging up now. This is more embarrassing that Carlos Danger."
Keren - "Hold on Huma, we need to agree on this. It's not the formal theme and messaging of the trip, this is the informal 'fun' narrative that we spoon feed the press. They'll say whatever we want them too so if you think she'll like one of the other shows more then..."
Huma - "You idiots, she doesn't 'like' any of these shows. We're going to have to brief her on whatever we choose, so do you think she can learn enough about Scooby-Doo in a 45 minute briefing to keep her from sounding like a fool if anyone asks her about it?"
Robby - "We can do that."
If you cook these hacks some dinner it really pays off - They'll pretty much print whatever you ask them to write about your candidate (if she's a Democrat). It's a grubby job, and someone's got to do it.
|"NOBODY calls Dugan a TURD!"|