Skip to main content

Planet of the Gorillaz

People who've never had a child or have forgotten what it's like to have a curious 4 year old are surprised (even angry) that a toddler snuck his way into the gorilla cage at the Cincinnati Zoo over the weekend, but not me. I know all about 4 year old boys and they're pretty illusive when they want to be. A human being develops much slower than a monkey and those formative years between birth and age 7 are filled with perilous moments, surprising acts of stupidity and sheer terror. Just imagine what goes through a mothers mind when she looks down into the monkey pit and sees her child being dragged around by a gigantic wild animal - some people just can't put themselves in those shoes. Yep, we keep 'em in cages for a reason and if for some whacky laps of attention one of ours falls into that cage we shoot the beast because, though it takes us years longer to develop and mature, once we're able to reason we've got the upper hand. Check out the video below and see how advanced we are compared to our primate cousins.


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The Real Story with Gretchen Carlson

She was "sexy", but "too much hard work." I'm a regular Fox & Friends viewer (mostly in protest of the other insipid morning programs like Today and Good Morning America) so over the years I've gotten to know Gretchen Carlson pretty well. Stuck between Steve and Brian she always seemed a prudish scold with an irritating, self-righteous demeanor that I simply put up with because I figured some people in the Fox audience actually liked her persona. It was obvious that Steve and Brian did not, but they were stuck with her like so many talking heads and had to make the best of it - which they did. Besides, she was no worse than any of the other women on morning show TV - I mean, you're only going to find a certain kind of person to do this kind of work and that kind of person is the Gretchen Carlson kind. Then, one day, she was gone and replaced by Elisabeth Hasselbeck and the F&F ratings began to climb, and climb and climb - in two months view...

The Pop-Tarts Bowl: Frauds v. Fakers

In the Techno-Fascist Imperium the "Holidays" festivities start on Columbus Day, when the Halloween candy pops up, and end New Years Day with college football Bowl games, black-eyed peas and collard greens. To be clear, the Imperium doesn't celebrate Columbus Day, au contraire, the Indigenous Peoples' Day psyop has been pushed hard by the IC for the past 50 years of failure but the candy... THE CANDY. This year's IPD got turned up to eleven when the colonizers of America's 51st state got kidnapped, raped and murdered by some indigenous maniacs on Sukkot 10/7 and, as a result, soured the festive '23 Holiday mood. Hey, we soldiered on, as it were, and kept on celebrating while the world burned: Halloween - Big for children and weirdos. Thanksgiving - Focus on God, country and family. Hannukkah - Jewish assimilation. Xmas - Santa Claus and gifts. Kwanzaa - Black Lives Matter. I'd call them Happy Holidays if it wasn't  a neo-Nazi dog whistle  to vocal...

Summer of the Jackals

In the spring of 2021 I had a near death experience when my Chevy Silverado loaded with 30 cases of wine was rear-ended at 50mph  by a young lady who was texting-while-driving at 9:30 AM. Her Mercedes sedan flashed in my driver side mirror a moment before impact and that microsecond of awareness gave me just enough time to pull my foot off the break and jam the gas so when she plowed into my trailer hitch the impact met no resistance and launched my truck across the road and into the woods. I had stopped in the road, left blinker signaling, waiting for an oncoming pickup truck to pass and, by the grace of God, it did pass me just as the distracted driver in the mirror slammed into my flashing taillight. Everyone walked away from the crash with no serious injury but if the impact had transpired 2 seconds earlier it would have been a “Road Warrior” bloodbath of terror and death. When I stepped out of my vehicle and looked through the roadside trees I had miraculously missed hitting i...