She just won't shut up

I'm flying for the next 16 hours - will be in Africa all week. When you get on a plane for this kind of trip a few things go through your mind. Please don't sit me next to a screaming baby, a special needs hyper-active boy, a TFTF tubby, someone who farts, a belligerent drunk, an ebony Ebola victim, two middle aged Chinese woman or a terrorist. It's not personal or bigoted or even insensitive - it's 16 hours of my life space truck' in close quarters and if possible I'd avoid all of the above. By the time the crew closed the cabin door my situation looked good - very good - I'm riding coach in the back of the bus and the middle row tapers down to 3 seats back here with me in one isle seat and a very orderly looking chap in the other isle and nobody in the middle seat - EMPTY - thanks be to God. The nearest baby is two rows up and to the side but she's a tow headed bundle of adorableness and grandmas on the job, No hyperactive seat-kickers to be seen, nor any fatso's on this long haul. No one smells bad except the male steward who's doused himself with middle eastern cologne and no one's drunk (yet). No sign of Ebola but we stop in Dakar for refueling so I'll keep that option wide open. No Chinese yak-yak. As for Terrorists, this plane is full of them - I only hope the Air Marshal shoots straight and has lots of ammo.

Hold on, wait one minute, something unexpected and equally intolerable has sprung into action. A Loudmouth has erupted at 2 o'clock in the row of seats directly in front of mine. Has been working in Africa for years, fighting AIDS, cleaning up after plane crashes, giving out NGO money, and she's got a captive audience of 1 in her isle mate who happens to be sitting directly in front of Mr. White Chocolate Chas T. Sweet Lord, thank you for the blessed advances in transportation, my relative comfort, full belly and countless other delights but could you please make this woman shut up! She's so loud - her African friends don't even consider her American, they say she's African now. Is that possible? Are Africans this loud? I intend to find out and will report back next week.

In the meantime, headphones in - music up, louder, louder... Ah, there we go, that's better.

Comments

The Real Story with Gretchen Carlson

She was "sexy", but "too much hard work." I'm a regular Fox & Friends viewer (mostly in protest of the other insipid morning programs like Today and Good Morning America) so over the years I've gotten to know Gretchen Carlson pretty well. Stuck between Steve and Brian she always seemed a prudish scold with an irritating, self-righteous demeanor that I simply put up with because I figured some people in the Fox audience actually liked her persona. It was obvious that Steve and Brian did not, but they were stuck with her like so many talking heads and had to make the best of it - which they did. Besides, she was no worse than any of the other women on morning show TV - I mean, you're only going to find a certain kind of person to do this kind of work and that kind of person is the Gretchen Carlson kind. Then, one day, she was gone and replaced by Elisabeth Hasselbeck and the F&F ratings began to climb, and climb and climb - in two months view...

The Pop-Tarts Bowl: Frauds v. Fakers

In the Techno-Fascist Imperium the "Holidays" festivities start on Columbus Day, when the Halloween candy pops up, and end New Years Day with college football Bowl games, black-eyed peas and collard greens. To be clear, the Imperium doesn't celebrate Columbus Day, au contraire, the Indigenous Peoples' Day psyop has been pushed hard by the IC for the past 50 years of failure but the candy... THE CANDY. This year's IPD got turned up to eleven when the colonizers of America's 51st state got kidnapped, raped and murdered by some indigenous maniacs on Sukkot 10/7 and, as a result, soured the festive '23 Holiday mood. Hey, we soldiered on, as it were, and kept on celebrating while the world burned: Halloween - Big for children and weirdos. Thanksgiving - Focus on God, country and family. Hannukkah - Jewish assimilation. Xmas - Santa Claus and gifts. Kwanzaa - Black Lives Matter. I'd call them Happy Holidays if it wasn't a neo-Nazi dog whistle to vocal...

Summer of the Jackals

In the spring of 2021 I had a near death experience when my Chevy Silverado loaded with 30 cases of wine was rear-ended at 50mph by a young lady who was texting-while-driving at 9:30 AM. Her Mercedes sedan flashed in my driver side mirror a moment before impact and that microsecond of awareness gave me just enough time to pull my foot off the break and jam the gas so when she plowed into my trailer hitch the impact met no resistance and launched my truck across the road and into the woods. I had stopped in the road, left blinker signaling, waiting for an oncoming pickup truck to pass and, by the grace of God, it did pass me just as the distracted driver in the mirror slammed into my flashing taillight. Everyone walked away from the crash with no serious injury but if the impact had transpired 2 seconds earlier it would have been a “Road Warrior” bloodbath of terror and death. When I stepped out of my vehicle and looked through the roadside trees I had miraculously missed hitting i...

Keeper of the Clown Bell

Search This Blog